The Hot Nurse Scale

The beauty of a Nurse is relative to how many hours you’ve worked and how disgusting your patient is.

You see, in this field of emergency services, you are constantly surrounded by ugliness, especially working in poverty stricken south LA. Your day is filled with death, disease, sickness, poverty, crime, vomit, blood, and many other bodily fluids that need not be named. For this reason, when at a hospital, a female nurse with any resemblance of feminine beauty is made all the more gorgeous by comparison.

A woman who, if seen on the street, would garner a rousing “meh” quickly turns into a “I want to marry her” when your regular company consists of a vomiting homeless man with ulcers living in his own feces. Because my field consists almost entirely of men, most of the females I am around are nurses, and thus are the best example.

So I have figured an equation to show how much your view of a nurse’s beauty (b) is influenced by how many hours (h) you’ve been working and how disgusting (d) your patient is.

If the nurse is normally a 6 on the American beauty scale, when you’re on your 22^nd hour of work, and your patient is a drooling elderly obese diabetic, she can easily go up to an 8.  Here are the steps of the equation:

1. Take the number of hours (h) worked on your current shift (1-48) and Divide it by 10.
2. Take the disgustingness (d) of your patient (1-10)
3. Add the two numbers together and divide them by 10
4. Add that number to the normal base beauty (b) of the nurse (1-10) scale.
5. This gets you’re the relative beauty (rb) of the nurse

h/10 + d  +b = rb        example:       19/10 + 8    +7 =  7.99 (round up to 8)

     10                                                      10

Here, I learn better visually. Basically, in simpler terms…

This

Plus this

Equals this.

So thankyou to all you nurses, who brighten up our day after a bleeding crack whore with missing teeth tries to stab us . Beauty is essential to the soul, and God knows we need it.